Clarity and Closure

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found that it’s rare that life gives me the opportunity to add a “period” to the end of one of its sentences, let alone that life gives me the final “chapter” to a book where the plot is tied up so neatly that I can’t help but feel satisfied – even if (at least right at that moment) the ending wasn’t what I had hoped for. 

I can only really pinpoint two (possible three, but it’s safer to stick with two) times that there was such an ending.  One happened long ago, when I left my childhood home for good.  The other happened about a month and a half ago, at or around the same time that Geoff and I broke up.

Because right at around that moment, two other “ghosts” from my past made a reappearance (I’m not naming names right now), and for about a week, there, things were really chaotic – especially since I was still trying to sort out what was happening with Geoff. 

But… just like that… there was clarity.  I didn’t like the way the story with Geoff ended, but, three weeks later as I met up with one of the ones that had reappeared at the comic con that Geoff and I were originally supposed to attend together, I understood WHY things with Geoff had to end when they did. 

Further – I understood the WHY behind many of the pressing questions that have been haunting me for the last year and a half.

And while there were some answers that, certainly, I didn’t like, I was satisfied with the sheer amount of information that came all at once, in a very short period of time.

All-in-all, they created a big, nearly complete, picture that helped me to understand why things are the way they are.  And why things happened the way that they happened.  And, even better, I got some insight on the motives from other major characters in this narrative.  Nearly all of which were very, very surprising. 

I compare this time to the ending of a novel, rather than the conclusion to the chapter of a book, because at that moment I really did feel like I had fully shifted to a new phase.  Moving here, to the place I am now, was the beginning of the shift, but it wasn’t the shift.  It was really setting the stage for all of these things to finally come to a head so that the old stories could come to an end.

And then when they did, when it all concluded, the sequel to the last “iteration” started playing out immediately.  Several characters have returned, but the story is different this time because I understand it better.  I understand the characters – their motives, their limitations, their ambitions, their fears – and I can (at least somewhat) better operate within that structure.

For the first time in a really long time, I can’t even begin to predict what’s going to happen in this new story though.  But with a new setting, a familiar cast of characters (but with a new understanding), and a plot that should be interesting (but a bit slow, if the Knight of Pentacles, Moon, and Temperance cards that keep popping up in my readings are to be believed), I do think that it’ll be strikingly different from the last.  As long as I remain patient. 

(And if I really think back to when the last “plot” went wrong, it really was a result of not having enough patience to let things play out the way (I believe) they were supposed to. And I paid dearly for that mistake.)

I can only hope that this book, whenever and however it ends, does so with the same amount of clarity that the last one did.  That was truly satisfying.