I’ve spent the last week with Ormsby (or, well, he’s spent the last week with me), trying to get him situated. We filed for unemployment for him (status is still pending… that could last a while) and applied for some things. It was important to me that he not be on his own for the first week, so that he didn’t constantly have to look outside his window and see the place he used to work. I don’t know if that helped, or if it prolonged the inevitable, because I did have to take him back yesterday.
Sometimes I wonder if he’d have been better off if I’d just left him in Louisville. Possibly for the short term…at least he wouldn’t have had to have struggled for the first 2.5 years in a job hunt that he always seemed destined to lose. But in the long term? I mean, this happened in Louisville too. He’d have been in the same boat there as he now is here… there’s that. I just wouldn’t feel so… responsible.
Even though I am not responsible. I have to learn to stop taking all of this on myself. It’s going to kill me when it’s all said and done. I have to keep telling myself I’ve done all that I can do. And I have. And then some. More than many ever would. That has to be enough… even when I don’t feel like it’s enough. I cannot save the world. I cannot, really, save him either.
The only person that can save Ormsby, is Ormsby. That’s it. I can help. I can prolong what is, perhaps, the inevitable. But I cannot be the only thing that keeps it at bay.
That is, after all, why we are living separately – so that I could stop being that wall.
It’s Mothers Day… I sent my mom and gift and then followed up with a card that I’d apparently had in my house for a really long time and had forgotten to send (or probably just found another one I liked better). At any rate the gift arrived on time (because I ordered it 2 weeks ahead). The card did not – but I also dropped it in the box on Wednesday afternoon. So she’ll have that to look forward to.
I don’t usually go back up to Kentucky on Mothers Day, but that’s usually because I have plans to go up there at a later time – when I can stay longer. There are no such plans this time, because I have no idea when I will be able to go back up there. That makes this one harder. I did talk to her (and to my dad) for a very long time. It was nice.
They’re doing well… still social distancing. I think their church is going to try to open soon, but I don’t think they will go in person for a while. I don’t begrudge them going (even if I don’t) when it’s safe, but I don’t want them to take the chance that someone they know has it but doesn’t show symptoms and then one of them catches it that way. That would be awful.
P.S. – This stupid disease is also why the ringer on my phone stays on at all times.
Florida has started opening back up. I am not partaking yet. I want to see what the case counts look like 2-4 weeks from now. We did go to the beach one late afternoon down in Bradenton and we ate at Tibby’s on Friday (but it was empty). But I am staying the hell away from everyone… like if there’s a human there, I walk the other way.
(This isn’t really that unusual… I do that even when there is no COVID.)
- My mom LOVED her gift. It was a wind chime that had a birds nest on top with a mother bird feeding her baby birds. What’s funny is that I ordered it for her about a day before she called to tell me there was a nest of robins near their house that they were watching. I smiled about that, because it was appropriate.
- They started furloughing people at my office last Friday. I was not furloughed. I consider that a win. For now. I’m still not cracking into that stimulus money until either this pandemic has passed us, or until I absolutely have to for a personal emergency.
- My sister and brother-in-law brought my nieces over to see my parents (from six feet away and with masks). That was the first time they’d seen them in almost two months. You couldn’t see anyone’s expressions, but you could seem my parents glowing in the photos. I am glad that got to happen at least.
- Aaaaand… finally… Ormsby and I turned my apartment into a photo studio while he was here and got some shots in. I got back in heels for the first time in two years (paid for it a little later, but not too bad), and we got a few good shots. I’m posting them below.