I asked, last night, for a sign. Because sometimes I doubt my situation, and sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m just delusional.
Thing is, when I ask for those, I get them. In dreams, usually, which have always, always been prophetic, though they don’t always tell me things in a way that I can understand them.
Nothing came until very early this morning. And then I had this:
I was standing at a bar, drinking Mountain Dew because I’ve stopped drinking alcohol. A guy was hitting on me. I threw my whole Mountain Dew on him. He walked away. I was laughing. Flash forward, and I was in a room, sitting across from another tarot reader I know, shuffling my cards.
I was telling her about how the past is repeating itself, in some ways, and how many things are the same, but with enough differences thrown in so that I know things are not the same. And I proceeded to tell her about how I don’t know if I should continue to stay the course, especially since if history is repeating itself, how do I know it won’t turn out like the last time?
She looked at me and asked, “How do you know that things won’t be different this time if there are distinctive differences in this repeat of history?”
I admitted that I didn’t, and that’s why I wanted to do a reading on it. But suddenly the deck grew smaller. Out of the 78 cards, I held maybe 25. I noticed it, she did too, but didn’t say anything.
I looked and the rest of the deck was hiding under her leg. I laughed and took it from her, working them back into the deck and realized that I was working with only half the deck.
You can’t get a full picture with only half the deck.
In other words, I can’t make a judgment about the situation without knowing the full story.
I know what will happen if I do not stay the course.
But if I do not stay the course, I will always wonder what would have happened if I had.
So I’m going to hang on awhile… despite the fact that I have, really, nothing to go on to indicate that things are really going to be as different as he promised me they would be when he comes home.