Today was an energy clearing day. The weekend got off to kind of a rough start as, Friday, I heard from Jesus (and if you don’t know who Jesus is (no, I do not mean your personal Lord and Savior, though I’m sure he’d get his rocks off by being called that), you need to read Karmic Debt (continued) before you continue any further. I’d been hearing from him often. And I’d written him off weeks ago when he declared, quite publicly on Facebook, that he was in love with the chick who looked like Bot’s ex wife (again, Karmic Debt – I wasn’t touching that with a nine foot pole), and I made it very clear that I wasn’t going to pursue it further. I also wished him well… no hard feelings (really!)… I was happy for him.
There were nights since that he’d get drunk (most nights, really… excessive partying = another dealbreaker) and ask leading questions about relocation. Or hint that he was having issues reconciling the difference in their ages. I’d try to ask what was wrong, or to see why he asked, he could not or would not tell me. If I require anything out of my friends, it’s the level of transparency that I myself give them. But I decided to let it go… There were bigger fish to fry and if he really wanted to tell me, he could sober up and do that.
I’d had plans to meet him in New Orleans. Platonically, I thought. But then some family stuff came up and I had to back out. He told me he was going to be visiting some friends in Tampa. I said we should meet up when he did that if he found the time to do it. This was a month ago. My world changes quickly, as those who have read this faithfully over the last almost year (THANK YOU!!) can see.
I met someone else. I’m having fun. I do not want to fuck it up, whatever “it” may be. Jesus knew that… he knew that because I had to tell him, via Skype, why I could not chat with him late into the night. And after date three, drunk, I’m assuming, Jesus lamented being put into the friend zone.
I felt bad. Because I’m not a mean person. I don’t set out to hurt anyone, and I really felt like I’d hurt him. But by the same token, I wasn’t going to capitulate for his sake… I couldn’t do that. I’ve done that so many times, that it’s become my MO and I end up in relationships where I KNOW they won’t work because I’ve had to compromise everything that I actually set forth to obtain. Still, feeling like I’d hurt him nagged at me. And whether I meant for it too or not, I think that energy, at least slightly, started to pour over into the other situation. Of course when I felt the energy changing, I did not know what do about it. Until today. When my guides told me exactly what to say. And I said it.
I told him I’d be happy to meet him in Tampa, with two stipulations: He’d have to be sober (because this drunkenness stuff is when this lamentation starts), and he’d have to understand that it needed to be strictly platonic. Whether one would affect the other later didn’t matter. In this situation, it didn’t matter at all whether I was seeing someone else (exclusively or otherwise) or not. What mattered is that Jesus is a good friend of mine… and I care about him in that way a lot… but there’s just too many things that I can’t compromise over. Fundamental things. And I’ve stopped compromising, and I’ve started manifesting.
It’s working. I like it.
He tried to tell me that that’s what he wanted. I reminded him that he was the one that lamented the friend zone. Then pouted because I did not call him on Skype. When he realized that, at least I guess, he backed off. Told me that Tampa may not be possible because he is moving into another house.
Granted, he didn’t tell me this until after I said something… maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. That’s not my concern. Because the energy is better now.
And, ultimately, I paid off more Karmic Debt. I did what I did not have the balls to do in May. Or really April when I started seeing the change. I let him go. I let Bot’s karmic twin go. Of my own accord, on my own time, with my own reasons, and I did so tactfully but firmly.
I did it, and I win.
Now where’s my reward?