This is going to sound like some kind of cover letter that would be attached to a resume (if a bit lengthy) but I’m writing this both as a foundation of what is to come and as a reminder to myself of a few things.
I am a catch.
I am a thirty year old woman. I have a good job. I drive a nice car. I have some debt, but I make enough to manage that and have it all disappear within a couple of years. I have been married once, but it didn’t last very long, and I have no children. I am educated. I have a Bachelors degree and half a Masters degree. I write, a LOT. And I’m ambitious. I want a lot for myself, I expect a lot out of myself, and that motivates me to keep pushing for bigger and better things.
I have morals. I do not go to church and do not define myself by any sort of “faith”, but I live by a personal code. I do not hurt the innocent. I do not steal. I do not lie. When in relationships, I have not and will never cheat. When one of my friends needs me, they know I am there for them – even if the best I can do for the time being is a phone call because of the distance. I work hard, I play harder. I do not take even one second for granted. I believe that I should treat others the way that I myself would want to be treated.
I have a good family. I grew up with parents who are still together and who are still madly in love with each other – and have been for forty-one years. I have a sister who I don’t talk to often, but who is usually there if I need a chat. I have an extended family that I am also exceptionally close to. My support system is huge, as it encompasses not only my family but my best and closest friends. There is no shortage of people to turn to if I need something.
I believe that what energy we put out into the world is the energy we get back. I believe what we put into our bodies and how we use our bodies will determine how they treat us later. That said, I try hard not to hurt people. I try to eat healthily. And my bedroom does not have a revolving door. My number is relatively low – single digits – and I keep it that way. I treat my body as a temple and I keep my stress at a minimum so that it does not wreak havoc on my overall wellbeing. I do not have any diseases and other than being perpetually nearsighted (that only gets worse because I read a lot), I am perfectly healthy.
I am a doer. If I see something wrong with my life, I do everything I can to fix it. My only fault, in this regard, is that sometimes I try too hard. Sometimes I have problems letting go. I am a control freak, but I try to harness that need for control into something productive. It becomes problematic because sometimes I have problems recognizing that there are simply some things I cannot control. I do not like to fail, and so I have problems letting go. But I am working on this… both on recognizing that I cannot control everything and in learning to let go of the things that I have no control over – to let them take their course.
When I am in a relationship, I am a giver. I give everything that I can, both of myself, and of what I have, to make sure that the other person has what he needs. I bend over backward, sometimes a little too far, and often find myself being used and walked on. But I keep trying, because while I am sarcastic and while I do have a dark sense of humor, I am also an optimist. I believe in love. I believe that true love can transcend even the biggest difficulties, and I believe that if two people want something badly enough, then they can make it work if they work together.
I am ambitious. I work forty hours a week, but also extend myself into other avenues. I write. I model. I create art. I dedicate my spare time to those venues and I have been successful at them. I set goals for myself in my personal life and I do everything in my power to see those things through. Because I work hard, because I am contemplative, and because I believe in myself and in my own abilities, I see those goals come to fruition sooner or later.
I have everything going for me. And as I prepare for re-release in the upcoming weeks, it would serve me well to remember this. Despite what has happened, despite the things that have made me doubt these things over the last few days, I write this not only to affirm what I already know, but to remind myself that what happened was not my fault and that it had nothing to do with me.
I am not perfect. Far from it. I have my faults. I am sometimes insecure, I am sometimes too hard on myself. I have trouble letting things go sometimes and I can be argumentative. But even still, despite all of those things, I know who I am and I know what I want. And I am a catch.